How could anybody become afraid of soup

Fear Of Soup Yes, she starts sweating and panic breathing when she sees a tin of Heinz Cream Of Tomato and even gets twitch when shown a cuppasoup in its packet though technically cuppasoup is not soup but a chemical cocktail. So irrational is this woman’s fear there is not even a name for it. Pognophobia (fear of beards) dendrophobia (fear of trees) and claurophobia (fear of clowns) are all recognised and fairly common conditions and we think claurophobia will be a lot more common by the time Psychoville has completed its run. Less well known perhaps are Aibophobia (fear of palindromes – I didn’t make it up, I’m on the level) A well known palindrome is Nun so a person with Aibophobia and Cloisterophobia (fear of Nuns will be in real trouble if they ever go near a convent.) Competitive types may be at risk of developing Kakorrhaphiophobia, a fear of defeat. How great would it be if that came up as the tie break question in the pub quiz at the Meritocrats’ Arms? We digress however. Fear of Soup does not have a name. We suggest Potageophobia or mulligatawneyphobia or cockaleekiephobia might be appropriate and slide off the tongue easily but this does not help us with our problem How could anybody become afraid of soup, or how could any rational person be reduced to a state of fear and panic by food, and how could that fear be so indiscriminate. There is a world of difference between a bowl of chicken and sweetcorn at the local Chinese restaurant and a tureen of Brown Windsor at a formal dinner. One soup I have often found disturbing but never frightening is Baxter’s Country Vegetable This is perhaps because it slides out of the tin in a solid mass making a squelchy sound as it does so and then it lies in the pan like a dollop of congealed sick. It is the most ugly, repulsive food ever devised. Tripe looks better. When actors have to throw up in films or on TV it is Baxters Country Vegetable they use. Don’t let anyone tell you actors don’t deserve the obscene fees they are paid. The never know when the script will call on them to regurgitate mouthfuls of cold Baxters Country Vegetable soup. And yet, to the best of our knowledge none has ever developed a fear of soup. After scouring my memory I can honestly say the only soup that has ever made me feel truly apprehensive was the Skink (fish soup) at the Slingerbulten Restaurant in Stockholm. Yes it is a real restaurant or at least was in 1997. The Slingerbulten Skink was a thick creamy soup, more like a chowder really, and it was not unusual to see eyes staring up at you from the surface. Not just staring but rolling around and blinking. Nobody ever dared think about what monsters of the abyss might be lurking in the murky depths of the bowl. It tasted absolutely delicious though. Hard as it is to imagine how somebody might become afraid of soup the poor woman from daytime TV deserves our sympathy. Never to know the satisfaction of dipping a lump of crusty bread into a steaming bowl of oxtail or lentil and bacon after a brisk walk on a cold day is sad enough but the thought of missing out on an opportunity to sample Slingerbulten skink is too sad to contemplate.